by Jennifer Dyer
A disturbing situation…
A while back one of my fellow “ausome” special-needs moms called me in tears. Her voice shook, and she could hardly get her words out. “Someone from school called CPS on us.”
It wasn’t until a dozen phone calls and several days later that my friend found out the why. Turns out, the misunderstanding was rooted in the child’s sensory and food aversion issues. The situation had been under the supervision of the pediatrician and was/is a part of the therapy this family pursues. What is more surprising, everyone who has contact with the child at school knew all of this information. It was well documented with doctor’s notes and mom’s constant concerns and conversations with the teachers.
Maybe it was miscommunication. I’m sure the person who called thought they were doing a good deed. On the other side, that person had access to the paperwork and could have done some more research into the situation.
Why am I telling you this?
This is not intended as a rant, but I want to encourage special needs parents to educate others about their children. And I want to encourage people to listen. This situation has been a nightmare of mine with all the issues Rachel has. For years I carried her diagnosis papers with me in case she became overwhelmed and stripped naked in public and someone got the wrong idea.
And people do question me…
A few years ago, Rachel’s teacher mentioned people at the school expressed concern regarding the tangles in Rachel’s hair. Their first assumption was that I was a negligent parent. Fortunately, the teacher had gotten to know us and assured the concerned persons that Rachel had nothing to fear.
(In case you were wondering, Rachel’s severe sensory issues make it difficult to brush her hair and the fact that she constantly rubs a few spots on her head makes for huge tangles. We have had to cut out tangles, buy numerous types of hairbrushes, and use all sorts of conditioners. Here’s the best hairbrush solution we found.)
As much as it hurt to know people were questioning my parenting, AT LEAST THEY ASKED. And since I had built a relationship with the teacher and made her aware of the situation, she was able to answer.
CPS aren’t the bad guys…
When I mentioned my friend’s situation to a counselor friend of mine, she was understanding, but challenged me to see the other side of the situation. “If you died and your kids had to be taken care of by someone else, wouldn’t you want people to look out for them, especially if that anyone thought your child was in danger?”
The counselor went on to say CPS workers are required to investigate every report they receive, but they aren’t waiting to snatch your children away. They want to work with you and to help you. She said as difficult as it is to see, remember that the person most likely filed a report because they were concerned about your child. And even if their intent was otherwise, the caseworkers want to help your family stay whole.
Easier said than done, but my counselor friend is right. There are children out there who need an advocate and to be protected.
But…I am thankful that the people who have been concerned about Rachel over the years have researched our situation before jumping to conclusions. And as Rachel’s mother, even if questions embarrass or annoy me, I am willing to answer if it helps people understand her more.
Fortunately, my friend’s CPS case worker dismissed the case, but my friend was hurt in the process. I’m not sure what she could have done differently in her case, perhaps have been even more vocal about her child’s issues? But I’d encourage others to be open and honest with information to help others understand your child, especially when the child doesn’t have a voice of their own.
And the next time you come across a CPS caseworker, give her a hug.